~SinnerDom

Look at all those downloads..or faves..
I guess I really should post more stuff. Its difficult to decide what to put up here though. Deviant are it picky and I'm surprised that i've gotten away with the things I've posted so far.
Anyway - I'll dig up some more stuff stat...today even. Maybe event that cgi spy story I've been working on. something..anyway.
Thanks for all the friends and faves guys...you really helped to re construct my bruised ego...

OK...those of you who know me will know that I've been involved in some serious meds these last few months.
The bi polar swing shrunk to a week or so..well..the ups were about a week...the downs sometimes lasted for much longer.
I kicked alcahol since I finally realized that I will never be sane if I keep fucking up the meds for the mood swings with alcohol.
So..booze free..
and surprise surprise...I found an iron will I did not know I had..and I kicked booze like I was kicking shit off my shoes...
but like shit...its gotta be complete...no social drinker..like I wanted to be..
not..gotta be hardcore..
on the plus side..I found out that I could *work*..ie create via pencil, pen or cgi even with out the booze..wow..was that a revelation. Of course...I have to have the meds..no booze and no meds leave Tom as a hollow shell.
On the other hand...it turns out that even without booze in me...I *still* get this weird "out of body" thing that freezes me ....
I am not drinking..but my mind/brain thing is so blurred and clogged up..its just like I *am* drunk...Now..explain that one Dr.?
I realize now..that I was crazy to stay with my ex for so long...and YEAH..I AM crazy
officially diagnozed as bi polar, suicidal and ..hmmm whats the word...spazmodic?...implusive..I do stuff....I break down crying for no reason...and I alienate my "freinds" via horrible insults...and that is when I am sober!!
When I am drunk....I just lose days...
The "downer" meds I am on have progressed from anti psychotic to anti seizure..

I have this voice inside my head saying..."its ok...you are going to die soon anyway"
That voice gives me a lot of comfort
False comfort of course...but itsl like a warm bath of words...it sweeps over me and says its ok to drink..to drive insanely into debt...to self mutilate..
cuz hey...I'm gonna die soon anyway...
Talking about the details...I have been mocked because I haven't had a serious suicide attempt yet...
Well..I'm not a teenage girl (my niece did attempt suicide a few times) I don't want to attempt...I want to execute.
There will be no attempts.

0.0

K...
I've done a bunch of stuff this last few weeks.... and absolutely NONE of it is finished.
Looking down at this body of *work*...*cough,,hah*....I realize that it is unlikely that I will finish *anything* .....in the near future...and possibly EVER...
SO...
From now on the things that I post to Deviantart will be in the Scraps area...ok?
no finished works...cuz...I am just not capable of finishing things...
but...I start new stuff almost every day...and sometimes ten times a day....
I recently created....vis a vis my own stuff... the concept of HAMF....or Half...Assed...Might....Finish...as a replacement for the ol generic WIP concept..
That's the best I can muster right now.
Hence...I will prolly post a few things to scraps in deviantart here....and even more of the same to my yahoo group.
Anyone...(all two of ya) waiting for Finished Things...will prolly have to wait a long....long...time...
Cheers.
Tom

perfect uderness
a styleish big wide udder
big..wide..udder..
ears up..
good attitude..
in otherwords...a
perfrect cow-like personality

Umm...the perfect sub slave fem of the future

I copped that riff from an npr "what do you know" broadcast this last weekend
ah yeah..I...SinnerDom...is sorta back..
y'all who have supported me in this last few months...I want you to know that I will kill with mild prejudice all the available lame ass bullshit context contrived by the mewling puppy things that have been dropped by the concubines of developers and their supporters...and I'll make digital recordings that we can pass on to our/your progenies for their delectation...
What we can hunker down and cuddle up to the flashing lights...as we (our kids/progenie) curse and suffer the conditions we have passed on to them

cheers